But I'll trust in the name of the Lord

i understand if you dont understand me.

theres a different side of me that not everyone will understand or even see. if you think im a very complicated, youre wrong. im always the same and will be the same.

theres this other side of me that not eveyone will know. the serious, the not so fun. no so cheerful. but the serious side of me. i understand if you think im weird cos i dont show this side of me often. but nonetheless. i understand.

theres this side that will feel something. will feel when im judged. will feel when im betrayed. will feel when im insulted using my words. but if you see that i suddenly turned out to be rather angry or upset. or suddnely burst into tears, you just got to understand you managed to reach to the other side of me. its a rare thing. but i understand if you dont understand the sudden burst of ‘bubble’ i never expect anyone to understand. i never expect anyone to take that shit for me. its for me to take only. not for anyone else. but nonetheless, i understand if you judge that side of me. i understand if you dont understand this sudden change of emotions from me. all in all, i understand.

i dont expect anyone to read this post as well. even if you do, you dont have to tell me cos i dont expect to impose this expectation from you. you dont deserve it. you dont deserve to take any shit from me. but all in all, i thank you for being there during the times that you understood me. but i also understand if you dont understand this other side of me.

noone deserves to know this shitty side of me. no one.

Saw this somewhere in thought catalog.

” Choose to love them when they say your least favorite word, choose to love them when they have a day when they need you more than usual, choose to love them when they smell like shit, choose to love them when they aren’t well, when they aren’t the able-bodied picture of beauty they were when they met you because people never stay the way you want them to. You should know that.”

One thing is for sure. Loving someone is a choice. You choose to love.

Xy. Please don’t make any decisions now. Not when you’re so tired in every aspect. When everything seems like its crashing down on you. You don’t freaking make any decision against anything or anyone. Just rest first my child. That’s what I heard.

Hello again. Here to summarize one of the weirdest weekend I’ve ever lived through. Started off w Friday at work where things gone abit too mundane due to all the moving ard at work. And oh!! I accidentally spoiled the paper shredder. I mean whutttt!! Didn’t know that paper eating thing can break down. But i felt so bad abt it. But my face always seem to show that I’m not genuine whenever I apologize abt such stuffs but that’s not true. I guess I got to learn how to better present myself. Have been having trouble w that. Anyhows went to purchase my new phone which I was super happy abt it. (at that moment) and kinda too into it that I kinda neglected my meetup w an old friend when I went to purchase thy phone. Was too engrossed in it and all it’s unique android-only functions. And also to be free of all the bb cui felt awesome. Now I just need to find a way to cancel my bb plan which will shave off 10bucks off my monthly bill. Phew. Just as the weekend could get any better, I fell asleep for an entire day since 3pm on sat after meeting two close mp batch mates of mine. Decided to do some catchin up instead due to that crazy rain that lasted over days. Which idk why has to happen over this weekend when we decided to play some ball Tgt. Too bad. Honestly, with that much time at hand, did alittle reflection. Realized how important it was for me to get my life’s purpose and direction back. I was wondering why am I always feeling so aimless when I had to spend time doing things that are so temporal. So short lifespan!! And it dawn upon me. It’s the little thigs that I had to do which has an impact of the people whom are involved that matters. It’s my actions speech and effort through the little stuffs at work that makes the difference in the people’s lives. Slowly, I saw how it works when I say I want to give my best to people that ever crosses my path. I don’t wish to go through my entire year and missed out on life and God given opportunities to me. Crossed this question today which I thought could be a food for thought for anyone that reads this. If you’re ever given a chance to turn back time, what’s one thing or regret you would want to change for the whole of last year?? Well, I regretted not making close genuine and real friendships when I was back in bmt and scs. Felt so disappointed w how caught up I was with the little and insignificant stuffs. But life goes on. Lessons learned and we move on from there!! (: time to face the week ahead and whatever that come on way. I made a goal. I want to master my mouth, to build and not to tear. To care and not to destory. To serve and not to be served. To correct what’s wrong and not to wrong what’s right. I hope to soon all be myself one day. What abt you?

What are my goals and achievements I want to work towards? Sometimes, we got to stop look remember, stop on track whatever we are doing, look to see what’s going on and remember why you even started in the first place. Many times we end up so occupied we forgot our reason behind it. Our reason for the week. Our reason to live even? Don’t get caught up in the things that wouldn’t last and forgo the works that is to be done on the inside that will last for eternity.